Do you ever just have a day, hour, or moment when the world feels like it is falling apart? That even 20 minutes ago, you were "managing", but all of a sudden everything takes a turn for "I can't deal with this?" Yeah, me too.
Sometimes, I can pull through those moments, hours, or days, and feel like a rockstar that I rocked them. Others, I survive and hope I don't have to deal with it again for a while. The last ones, well I give into my frustration. Those end with me just going, "I can NOT deal with this!" and walking away.
Today is one of those walk away days. I don't feel good, everything hurts, and I am tired. Drew and I were out of town for Monday and Tuesday, and being a single parent out of town is hard on me. It is hard on Drew, too. We had a lot that was supposed to be on our plate today, and Drew chose today to sleep in. I didn't, because we had lots to do today. I should have just stayed in bed until he got up.
Well, with the oversleeping, we missed what we were supposed to do. Drew is grumpy from still not getting enough sleep, and I feel behind the eight ball. While Drew was eating breakfast I was trying to get some stuff ready for a party this weekend. He was screaming at me to watch Sam on my computer, and that wasn't an option. He crashed the computer twice before I could get him to watch his show on the tv. That lasted six minutes before he came back into the craft room. He more breakfast, fine. Oh the screaming fits because of me putting it into the microwave without his help. When I came back into the craft room I figured out where the first breakfast went, all over my floor. I tried to sweep it up and he freaked out again. Cue phone call in midst of freak out. Cue Drew running away with said phone.
That is when I lost it. Drew went to his room. I hung up the phone. I vacuumed his mess up. He came out of his room and freaked out that I had hung up the phone. He got sent back to his room, "If you are going to cry, then go cry in your room" and off he went. I took care of what the phone call was about. He came back out still grumpy. He got sent outside with his breakfast.
Being outside helped him and me. He settled down and ate on the porch and then played with some toys. I got to take a deep breath and finish a couple of things I had to get done and get a load of laundry started. That helped me calm down.
I am thankful that we don't have many days like this, most days I can take everything in stride and see some humor in it, or push through knowing that it is all ok in the end. Others, like today, just beat me. Days like today make me thankful for fries, Sam on my phone, and people willing to give me a break. I wish I was the supermom that could always be ok with everything and take a deep breath every day and be on top of it all, but that isn't ever going to happen. It is also easy to forget how stressful days like this are for him. As a friend reminded me today, "It's really hard when the stress feeds of each other." He is having as hard a day as I am, and I need to be as patient and as grace filled as possible.
I am thankful for grace, with myself and with Drew. I am thankful that even on our rough days we still love each other, and that it is ok for me to walk away for a little bit. I am thankful that our rough days don't last.