Friday, February 22, 2013

My Brain Almost Beat Me

I made it to Week 4 Day 3 before my brain almost beat me. It almost talked me into giving up. I have had a rough couple of weeks with my weight and I was already depressed when I got to the Y. I didn't really want to be there, but I knew I should be there because I had things to do on my normal Y days this week. There were really important things going on in our friends lives that I was focused on, and my brain wasn't cooperating. 

I made it 14:37 seconds out of the 31 minutes that day. I couldn't get into watching tv. I couldn't get into my music. I couldn't get into my rhythm. I couldn't focus. So, I quit. I stopped the treadmill and I walked away. I went and sat a few minutes by the workout floor and texted a few people. I confessed  to them I quit. They were supportive and told me they were proud of me, and that it was ok if I quit today I just couldn't give up.

That helped. I needed to hear that even though I was low, people were proud of me. Thankfully, I had just paused the c25k program on my phone. I looked at it and realized that if I didn't complete it then, I was going to have to repeat those 14 minutes I had already struggled through. 

I dug down and walked back to the treadmill. I picked up right where I had left off. Well, my brain was still trying to sabotage me. I still couldn't find my rhythm. My shoes kept coming untied and I would have to pause everything to tie them. My earbuds wouldn't stay in my ears. I wanted to give up. But I didn't want to repeat the time I had already done. I am still that lazy (or stubborn) that I wasn't going to start over. 

I finished, finally. I realized it wasn't my body that was causing me not to keep going, it was my brain. My brain betrayed me. It sabotaged me. It made me really realize that this getting fit thing isn't a body thing, it is a brain thing.


Nikki said...

Amen! The hardest run often isn't your longest or your fastest, or the one with the swollen toe and bruised ankle from something dropped on it. It's the one where your brain tells you you can't. :) So glad you finished! Text me anytime!! We are all proud of you, awesome work!

Joy said...

You are an inspiration. I'm daily amazed by your will-power. You've got this thing :)

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