Thursday, December 23, 2010

A Bugging Question

 (This is NOT Bug. But, hopefully, Bug will cooperate for this next ultrasound.)

Next week I am scheduled to go Bug's anatomy scan.  This is a fairly important ultrasound for a lot of reasons.  They check to make sure that everything is developing right, that Bug is right on track, and they will give us an "official" due date (we plan on ignoring this totally, because Bug will determine when they are ready to come out).  This is also the ultrasound that they typically tell you the sex of the baby.

This is what is causing some major issues for us.  We are so torn about finding out what sex Bug is.  AJ is in the camp to wait until Bug is born, and I keep wavering back and forth.  I would love to be surprised, but I would also like to know for a couple of reasons. 

I would love to be able to buy some things that are more specific than what I have been picking up.  I would like to have some cute newborn outfits for Bug that aren't yellow or green... I am not sure I am willing to admit I would want to have pink outfits (I am not a real pink person), but purple or something would be nice.

Also, I haven't been as excited about this pregnancy as I want to be.  I have been really clinical about a lot of it.  It has been easier to ignore the whole situation because it doesn't seem real or like a person.  A lot of that has to do with the fact that right now Bug is nothing but a statistic - so many heart beats per minute, so many inches, so many weeks, and so many numbers.  These make it really hard for me to relate to Bug being a person, I almost feel like I need a lab notebook to track Bug instead of a baby book.  Combine this with the fact that I have been fairly sick and it hasn't been an excitingly positive thing so far.

Please don't take my lack of overt excitement as a sign I don't want to be pregnant and that I am not grateful or anything.  I am just not good at dealing with being sick or waiting.  I wish Bug was already here - healthy and happy.  I do much better when things are actually here and not still abstract concepts in my tummy.

So, I guess all this is to say, what would you do?  If you found out what you were having, then why did you do it?  If you didn't find out, why not?  I am looking for some good reasons other than it makes it easier for other people. 

I will say, even if we find out I am not sure we are going to tell anyone until later on in the pregnancy... maybe 30 weeks or so.  We have been referring to Bug as a gender neutral "he" for our own sake.  This doesn't mean we are hoping anymore for a boy or a girl, we just didn't like saying "it."


Kacie said...

I think you have really good reasons for trying to find out at this ultrasound.

I think it will help you bond with your baby, and you can start to call him or her by their given name (whether you tell people the name or not, that's your call. In fact, I recommend NOT telling people the name! That way there's a surprise at the end for people, and also they can't offer their $0.02).

And can I be super honest with you? I thought baby #2 was a boy. And I was really excited about another boy. So when I found out at an ultrasound that it was a girl, I was sorta like...really? It took me a little while to adjust to having a daughter.

It didn't take long to be really excited about it, but I still needed that time. I'm glad I had some time to get used to the idea, and to really start working on her names. We needed several months to pick it!

I think that there are enough surprises with birth. Knowing the sex of the baby in advance does help you prepare more, mentally and with stuff. You can keep it secret to others if you want, or keep the name secret.

And you will still be surprised to see what little Bug looks like! So yeah. Find out :)

K. Crowson said...

Let me tell you, I have 3 children with my 4th coming sometime in May. I found out with my first 3 what we were having. I bonded much better with the pregnancy and was able to go ahead and name the baby (that's a real bonder right there!) I had everything prepared and didn't have to go with the "yellow or green" The reason we've chose to not find out with this one is more because we have home births and can choose if we even want an ultrasound. After researching them, personally I've decided to not have one again. Honestly, it's KILLING me not knowing what this baby is! I have a "Feeling" but I've been wrong before. I say, if you're going for a scan'll be happy if you find out! :)

Best wishes hun!!

Ashley said...

Obviously there isn't a "right" answer. We found out, and I'm so glad we did. I had a hard time bonding with the baby, too, during pregnancy. It really helped me to know she was a girl, and I liked being able to really practice names and "know" it before she was born (even though we didn't tell anyone). I loved all the clothes - yes I love the pink, but I'm more of a purple person. (BTW if you have a girl you are free to borrow anything of Savannah's that you need.)

My biggest reason for finding out, besides curiosity, is because I was afraid my first reaction after the birth would be disappointment. I secretly wanted a girl, and I wanted to be prepared in case it was a boy, before I met him, to get used to the idea. I hope that makes sense. :-)

I've known many women who have opted to be surprised, and I don't think any have regretted it. But for me, I am glad I found out.

Undomestic Wife said...

I'm finding out in two weeks...I'm like you and don't think I will really bond with the baby until I know what it he/she is and can name him/her. Then it will start to feel like a real person. For me it's frustrating not to be able to envision a future little boy or girl. I'm also just very impatient! :)

Ashley said...

By the way, just to mix it up, a friend wrote this post a few weeks ago about why she's letting it be a surprise:

Ashley said...

So???? What did you decide???

Becca said...

We are having our 20 week ultrasound on Jan. 11th, and not finding out the gender of the baby. I wanted to, but my husband really wants a surprise. There were many negotiations. We decided to go with the surprise for several reasons. There are few surprises left in life, we want gender neutral baby gear that can be used with multiple kids, people have only been finding out for the last 2 decades or so, and only in the industrializes world, etc. I'm on board now even though I'm getting all kinds of heat from friends and family. Y'all will decide whatever is right for you.