Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Life Changes

It has almost been a month since I have posted.  Things have been in a state of flux for a while.  But, I think things are going to start settling into a new normal rhythm.

I have put in notice to quit my job.  This was a really hard decision for me, but it was the right one.  AJ has been really supportive about it and we are working on ways to negate my income loss (my income is such a small part of our budget that doesn't look like it is going to have much of an impact).  I have been having some problems with my joints, but not an actual flare.  We think it has something to do with this:


We are pregnant.  We have been a little tight lipped about this because I have been worried something might not go right.  We had to tell people I am close to in real life because I have had some HORRIBLE morning sickness.  I am very thankful for that because the doctor keeps saying it is a good sign of everything.

I also haven't wanted to say a whole lot online about it because I am friends with some AMAZING women who are struggling with infertility, and I don't want to hurt them.  I know the tears they have shed and the frustration they feel when someone else crosses over to the realm of pregnant.  I just wish I could explain why this is such an important thing to me, but I don't want to go into detail other than saying here is some of my story, the rest involves LOTS of scar tissue and LOTS of tears.

I also know that now is about the best time to make this public. We go for our 12 week NT scan next week, and I need to be able to write about my feelings dealing with all of this.  We aren't expecting anything bad, but there are A LOT of emotions rolling around inside of me right now.

Our world is changing.  I am excited, but still really scared.  I don't know what my body is doing anymore.  I used to have some strange notion that I could at least control my own body functions, but now I know that isn't an option.  Why, I still thought that after discovering the RA I don't know, but I am really good at self delusion.