Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I Spy with My Little Eye - Sandhill Cranes

 This year we have had a lot of Sandhill cranes.  I don't know what caused such an increase, but they are EVERYWHERE!  A couple of weeks ago there was a pair at the church I work at, and they seemed cranky that I was there.  This week a pair has discovered our birdbath/ bird feeder. 

I think it is funny that we have been putting seed in the feeder for about a year, and we haven't had much interest in the feeder other than a few tiny little sparrows that eat the seed that is on the ground.  Now, all of a sudden we have Sandhill cranes that think it is their buffet.  I guess in some ways it is, because it is almost on beak level for them.  It is really funny to watch them eat! 

The pair that has been taking up residence don't seem to be scared of much other than the lady who was walking a really big dog.  Otherwise, the cranes seem to wander a way for a little while, and then wander back to the feeder and eat a little more.  I have enjoyed their company.  They are really enjoyable to watch, and being able to watch them is another reason I really enjoy where we live.  I love getting to see the nature around us.


Thursday, August 26, 2010

Tonight I Want To Cry

Alone in this house LIVING ROOM again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine

I've never been the kind to ever let my TRUE feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk sad enough to let got of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

Would it help if I turned a sad song on?
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you THROUGH THIS by hidin' this way

I've never been the kind to ever let my TRUE feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk sad enough to let got of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

(I butchered this song. The real version can be found here.) 

I am tired of being strong.  I am tired of being "happy".  I am tired of having to "laugh it off."  I am tired of being what I think everyone else wants to see.

My heart hurts and this pain is real.  I just need a place to be honest about it.  I don't really have that as an option because almost anyone I can talk to I am going to potentially hurt their feelings.  I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but my nerves are raw and I don't think I could pull any punches about now.

Monday, August 16, 2010

I Spy with My Little Eye - Car Wrecks

(Sorry for the low quality image, but I only had my phone's camera close when we were going by this.)

Cars seem to like flipping upside down a lot where we live.  This is the second set of cars I saw upside down in the course of four days.  These two wrecks happened on the same road, but not all the ones we see happen just on this road.  There are two roads into our area of Orlando, and neither of them are particularly crazy roads.  The other road is a four lane highway with the speed for most of it at 45 mph.  This road is two lane with some of the length at 45 mph and others at 55 mph (though now there is a construction zone and it is 35 mph, but neither of the wrecks this week occurred anywhere near the construction).  Neither road is overly curvy or crazy.  This week neither wreck happened when there was water on the road or anything else to make it extra prone to wrecks.  I can't figure out why there are so many wrecks on these roads, and when I say wrecks I don't mean fender-benders.

I know one area on the other road that has a LOT of wrecks, but I have figured out why those happen there. It is a tight curve at 45 mph where a side street comes out right in the middle of the curve, and people crossing the north bound lane can't see around the curve or how fast the other cars are moving.  There are frequently wrecks there, and a lot of cars turned upside down from those wrecks.  I always freak out and slow way down when going around that curve if people are trying to cross.  I have had a couple of wrecks happen while I was in that area.

These wrecks are always scary to me.  I don't like the thought of people getting hurt.  They just seem to happen a lot, and with no real good reason.  I know that the people down here drive FAST, and they frequently aren't paying attention - either to driving or the laws.  On the road that the above wreck is on people frequently pass on corners/ curves, use the center of the road to pass (even though it isn't a passing lane or even wide enough to fit a car in the center area), and on the sides of the road.  It is REALLY scary when people are passing in the center around a curve and another car comes around the bend.  

I do have to agree with AJ on the above wreck - "How do two cars flip upside down on a straight road with no rain?"  The odd thing is that there was a third car involved in the wreck that isn't in the picture because it was behind the upside down blue car and the police cars.  I am still amazed that we have this many major wrecks close to my house.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Wrong Way

I decided to take a break from the "Battle of the Bulge" this week.  I have had a couple of rough weeks physically and mentally.  I have had a weight gain.  I don't know if it is a water gain or a true weight gain.  I still can't wear my wedding rings, and some of the clothes I was fitting back into are slightly tighter again. 

I need motivation to get back on track.  I need to want to exercise.  I need to want to track my food.  I just don't know how to get back to where I was.  I want to lose the rest of the weight.  I was making good progress, but now it is just stalled.

We have been trying to get pregnant, and so far we aren't.  It is really depressing me.  I have never hated getting a period so badly in my life.  It has made me not really care about a lot.  It is weird, in some ways I have wanted more control in certain areas of life, but in others I don't care.  I know I am turning back to food for comfort, but I don't want to do that.

I haven't had a desire to cook lately.  I haven't had a strong desire to eat either, but I have been eating things I don't care about or just grazing.  Neither is what I should be doing.  I haven't been productive on much of anything else, either.  I make my normal to-do list, ones that I should be able to get done in one of my days off, will take a week or longer.  I have wanted to just curl up in a ball on the couch lately, well when I am not sleeping or fighting a crazy bad headache.

I just want to get back on track.  I don't know how though.  I keep telling myself I am going to wake up the next morning and be "back to normal".  I wake up and I don't want to get up, or I let myself sleep.  Then I walk out and see the house in chaos, and think if I just ignore it then it will go away.  I know the house isn't that big of a wreck - we are making progress on the garage, and some things are in the house so AJ could build shelves in the garage, we are making piles of things to take back to people, and the laundry needs to be put away - but it is a mess to me right now.  The only thing I seem to be good at lately is getting rid of clutter, and taking things down to get rid of or at least store until I know what I want to do with them.

I know this is really rambly, but it is what is going on in my head right now.  I am hoping that if I can get it out, then I can start working on fixing it.  I don't know how to get my motivation back, and any thoughts or ideas on that would be really helpful! 

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Battle of the Bulge - Week 21

This has been a weird week. I have been so tired this week.  I have been fighting it all week and not having the best of luck.  I have been taking naps most days and sleeping about 8 hours everyday.  That rarely happens, and the more surprising things is that I have been sleeping through AJ getting up in the mornings.  Normally, I wake up when he gets up at 4:00 and then don't fall back until he leaves around 5:00, but this week if I have noticed he has gotten out of bed it is a miracle.  Then there have been a couple of days that I have gotten up at my normal time, but then gotten back in bed a couple of hours later.

I also had my first nosebleed EVER in my life.  I don't know what this means, but it was freaky and scary.  I don't think this had anything to do with my weight issues, but it was memorable enough to want to put it down for this week.  I didn't like this experience at all.

Being as tired as I have been means that I really haven't had the energy to do much of anything exercise-wise outside of therapy.  I have had a really good week at therapy though.  I am back doing all most 99% of what I was doing before this last flare.  The only thing I am still having a hard time with is ball squats, but I still managed to do some this week.  I really want to get back to working on getting in shape, and I just seemed to be stalled overall with this, at least I have therapy to keep me going.

I did better at tracking my food this week.  The calories have been all over the place - the highest was 2055 and the lowest was 1259.  I have been really hungry, but not at the same time.  That sounds weird, but I have been wanting to graze and eat, but not wanting food in my stomach.  I did lose 0.2 lbs this week.  My weight has also been all over the place this week, the daily ups and downs have been mildly crazy.

I feel like this week I have just been hanging on, and waiting to see where things are going.  I feel "off".  I have also been moody, lonely, and mildly depressed this last week.  Nothing major, but just feeling like I need a lot of hugs.

Score Card:
Weekly Weight Change : -0.2 lbs
Weekly Measurements : 0 inches
Total Weight Change : -21.9 lbs
Total Measurements : -16.5 inches total body

Monday, August 2, 2010

I Need a Change - Re-Covering the Dining Room Chairs

We bought AJ's grandparent's dining room set when we first moved into the house.  When we had the dining room set up it worked for us, sort of.  It didn't quiet fit in our house, as the set was designed in the 1950's and built for houses of that period.  Our house is a lot different that houses from then.  We love the set - the way it is designed and the style of it, but are having a hard time making it work in the space of our house.  

Since we converted our dining room into a library we have been trying to make the dining set work in various locations in the house and settings.  I have moved the table around our eat-in kitchen more times that I care to count.  I finally had AJ move it into a new location on Friday night.  I also figured out that part of what was making the table not work was the cushion covers.  The fabric on them was much more formal than our eat-in is, especially with the bright blue walls and white accents.  So, we picked up some fabric at IKEA to re-cover them.

Here is what the chairs looked like to start with. I had AJ unscrew the seats from the frames for me.

Pulling out all the staples.

These are the staples from just two chairs.  There were six chairs in total, so there were A LOT of staples.

What was underneath the other fabric. 

One chair done, five more to go.

The final product, up close and personal.

I love the way they came out.  I am probably going to get a white table cloth for the table and put a strip of this fabric down the middle of the table cloth to pull the chairs and table together.  This fabric looks so good in the eat-in.  The fabric is just a shade off the wall color, and it has little dots of orange in the white leaves.  That means I can introduce some orange accessories into the eat-in.