Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Battle of the Bulge - Week 17 - Being an Ostrich

This week has been rough!  I have wanted nothing but to hide my head - well my whole self.  I have hurt really bad and nothing seems to be helping it.  I haven't even really wanted to talk about it or deal with how I have felt.  I had a friend send me a  long  and helpful email about what is going on and I haven't responded because I don't know what to say or even if I am up for trying to say anything. 

Whatever is going on caused another major jump in weight.  I know it is water weight because I am swollen in areas - my hands, my wrist, my ankles, my feet, and my face.  I had gained another 2 lbs over the last few days but it has come back off already.  This water weight is playing havoc with my graph in Excel.  It keeps going up and then down every couple of days.  With all of this craziness I am happy to have a week that ended back where it started. I will gladly take a 0 lb change this week!

The "gain" and the pain have lead to a lot of frustration and minor stress eating.  Nothing major, but I am craving junk food and lots of it.  Luckily over the last 15 weeks I have gotten a minor handle on how to deal with these cravings and only giving in a little.  It bugs me that when I lose control of my body I freely give up control of what I can control - my food.  I don't really know how to overcome this issue, but I am trying to learn.  I did figure out that without "healthy" option or snacks around the house I will gravitate towards over eating or eating "unhealthy" snacks with little moderation.

I have been struggling to keep myself busy and moving the best I can.  It isn't easy, but at least I am not dwelling on it hurting or as tempted to get back in bed.  I have been exhausted, but trying to limit my time in bed. I have done a fairly good job at keeping busy.  We painted the bedroom this week and went to Universal, I cleaned the house really well, and made jellies. All of this with major pain in my joints and a headache that won't go away. So, I am trying, I am just moving slower than normal.

I go back to my rheumatologist this week.  I am hoping that we can at least make some progress on this pain front.  I was hoping to have lost the 30 lbs by now that he wanted, but the roughly 20 lbs is going to have to be enough.  I don't know what he is going to do.  I was really hoping that all the pain was part of my back issues, but it doesn't look that way.  We have hit another six month mark and that is when things tend to flare back up, so I guess I am still on track for that.  I wish it would either go away for good or make itself really obvious to what it is.

I know that updates on being in pain aren't really part of the diet world, but for my personal battle (and it is a real battle) this is a very real part of my diet.  I am learning a lot about myself trying to track the REAL life that is going on in trying to lose this weight.  The straight diet part has been easy - calorie counting has been fairly simple.  Life around my diet hasn't been and that is important to track, too.  I think that is where the biggest struggle really comes from. 

Score Card:
Weekly Weight Change : 0 lbs
Weekly Measurements : 0 inches
Total Weight Change : -19.1 lbs
Total Measurements : -15.5 inches total body

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