Thursday, December 30, 2010

Our Little Bug Is Stubborn.

We went for the anatomy scan this week.  Bug is still being a stubborn little thing and not exactly cooperating.  Bug was laying spine up right under my belly button.  This posed an interesting challenge for the tech trying to measure all the things that the doctor wants to know about.  We couldn't get any help from Bug at all to roll over.  The tech wiggled my belly and had me roll onto my side to try to get the measurements, and then she went and got another tech with more experience to try to get the measurements.  I am starting to think that Bug is camera shy, or just really really stubborn.

After an hour of trying, the tech finally got at least one of all of the measurements she needed (they normally want three to take the average).  Everything looks right on track and Bug is measuring 20 weeks.  We had been promised some good pictures from this ultrasound and even a CD of them (not just the print outs), but since Bug was having nothing to do with it we barely got a good profile picture.  The tech even turned on the 3D for us, but that didn't con Bug into pictures.

The coolest part (and most painful) was when they were doing the internal scan to check my cervix.  You could see this little foot hanging around really close to the cervix on the screen.  Then the tech pushed on my stomach to simulate gravity to check to make sure the cervix wasn't opening (I have been having a lot of pain and throbbing there, so they were making sure everything was ok).  Well, we found out what that throbbing is... Bug kicked my cervix when she pushed on my stomach. Good grief this baby has some strong little legs already.  I thought that little foot was going to come out of me!  Apparently, Bug doesn't like being pressed on!  Even though it HURT I am glad to know that it is Bug causing the pain down there and nothing is wrong.  It was also really amazing to see Bug react to something.  It was also nice figuring out what was causing the throbbing, and now I am learning that Bug doesn't like me in certain positions and will kick my cervix more when I am sitting like that.

Now, for the answer to what people are wondering... We didn't find out what Bug was.  AJ and I had decided that if it was easy to figure it out for the tech then we would, but if they had to fight to get a picture or there wasn't a clear answer we weren't going to push it.  The tech took a while to get a picture because Bug being difficult, then she wasn't really sure, and then she went to show the picture to someone else.  They decided that they were only about 90% sure.  We decided that because that was more than an easy answer we were going to hold off.  The tech did put it in our file what the guess was.  So, we can either call later and find out what the guess was, or wait until another ultrasound when Bug might be in better position.  We did find out that it should get easier to tell as Bug gets bigger.  

We are totally ok with this outcome.  We found out that Bug is healthy, right on track, and already has a personality that we can relate to. 

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! 
May today be a wonderful day for you and your family!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

A Bugging Question

 (This is NOT Bug. But, hopefully, Bug will cooperate for this next ultrasound.)

Next week I am scheduled to go Bug's anatomy scan.  This is a fairly important ultrasound for a lot of reasons.  They check to make sure that everything is developing right, that Bug is right on track, and they will give us an "official" due date (we plan on ignoring this totally, because Bug will determine when they are ready to come out).  This is also the ultrasound that they typically tell you the sex of the baby.

This is what is causing some major issues for us.  We are so torn about finding out what sex Bug is.  AJ is in the camp to wait until Bug is born, and I keep wavering back and forth.  I would love to be surprised, but I would also like to know for a couple of reasons. 

I would love to be able to buy some things that are more specific than what I have been picking up.  I would like to have some cute newborn outfits for Bug that aren't yellow or green... I am not sure I am willing to admit I would want to have pink outfits (I am not a real pink person), but purple or something would be nice.

Also, I haven't been as excited about this pregnancy as I want to be.  I have been really clinical about a lot of it.  It has been easier to ignore the whole situation because it doesn't seem real or like a person.  A lot of that has to do with the fact that right now Bug is nothing but a statistic - so many heart beats per minute, so many inches, so many weeks, and so many numbers.  These make it really hard for me to relate to Bug being a person, I almost feel like I need a lab notebook to track Bug instead of a baby book.  Combine this with the fact that I have been fairly sick and it hasn't been an excitingly positive thing so far.

Please don't take my lack of overt excitement as a sign I don't want to be pregnant and that I am not grateful or anything.  I am just not good at dealing with being sick or waiting.  I wish Bug was already here - healthy and happy.  I do much better when things are actually here and not still abstract concepts in my tummy.

So, I guess all this is to say, what would you do?  If you found out what you were having, then why did you do it?  If you didn't find out, why not?  I am looking for some good reasons other than it makes it easier for other people. 

I will say, even if we find out I am not sure we are going to tell anyone until later on in the pregnancy... maybe 30 weeks or so.  We have been referring to Bug as a gender neutral "he" for our own sake.  This doesn't mean we are hoping anymore for a boy or a girl, we just didn't like saying "it."

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Celebrating our Anniversary

(Please pardon the cruddy cell phone pic, AJ surprised me and I didn't have my good camera.)

Last week AJ and I celebrated our three year anniversary.  As far as I knew we didn't have anything major planned, just being together.  Well, AJ had a different idea.  He planned some fun surprises for me.  We went to Universal (this continues our tradition of Universal for our honeymoon and anniversaries) to check out an attraction that they just re-opened after being closed for about six years.  The attraction was "Triceratops Encounter" in Jurassic Park, which is something he and I are both mildly obsessed with.  AJ had never seen it, and that made it a fun start to the night.

We had talked about going out to dinner after Universal, so we headed to BJ's Brewhouse.  I found out later that AJ had gone to the restaurant and made reservations.  This is fairly atypical AJ behavior so I was surprised.  We ordered our food, and then the waitress brought out a vase of flowers.  I was really surprised.  We had a great dinner and just enjoyed being together.

After dinner, AJ mentioned to the waitress that he had dropped something else off earlier with the flowers.  I am really confused at this point, and the waitress was too.  I could see her running around the kitchen area looking in all the fridges and freezers.  The next thing I know she has brought out a very familiar tinfoil lump.  I break out in hysterical laughter.

The tinfoil lump is the top of our wedding cake.  We have moved this piece of cake three times in the last three years.  It had almost become a staple in our deep freezer.  Well, AJ decided it was time to finally eat the cake.  We did.  Beth and Betty had done a amazing job of wrapping this cake up for us (I am still very thankful for all the wonderful people who helped pull our wedding off and made it such a wonderful day for us.)  The frosting was pretty bad tasting, but the cake still tasted like Publix cake - yum!  It was a little off, but we still ate some of it. 

I am very thankful for such an awesome husband, and all the blessings he brings into my life.  I can't wait to see what the next phase of life brings us!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Decluttering Update 2

It has been almost a week since the last update.  I have made some more progress.  AJ and I tackled the closet and the drawers in the guest room and the guest bathroom.  We weeded out board games that were in storage.  We still need to go through the clothes that are stored under the bed, but we tackled that project earlier this year and I am not sure I want to do that again this month.  We have a lot of my different size clothes stored under there, and I have to admit - I still have it as a goal to get back into most of what is stored of mine.  The other stuff that is stored is winter stuff, which WHY THE HECK am I breaking that out in early December?  I don't think we can purge much more of the winter stuff because we really don't have that much and the few jackets and sweatshirts are occasionally needed.

I also cleaned out our "poof" aka the storage ottoman that we use as the coffee table.  I am always amazed at how much random stuff accumulates in this thing.  It had everything from extra curtains to a networking box and cables (AJ's) stored in it.  Well, now it has more of what it is supposed to have - blankets, pillows, puzzles, and AJ's network box in it.  This isn't something that is visible to anyone else, but it made me feel a lot better to have it cleaned out.

Updated List 

15. Halloween soap dispenser - trash
16. Duck decorations that were broken - trash
17. Air filter - trash
18. Board games (3) - donated
22. Stuffed animal - donated
23. Princess lunch box - donated
24. Vintage clothes (4 outfits) - donated
29. Box of trash
30. Small box of trash
31. Destroyed pair of jeans - trashed

I have noticed that we don't have as much "stuff" that needs to be gotten rid of as I thought we did, but papers are a real big problem.  I am having to keep myself from counting all the sheets of paper because it is overwhelming.  We are both paper pack-rats, and I keep finding random piles that aren't anything useful, but for some reason we saved them.  There are lots of print-outs that I know if I really needed that information I could look it up again.  There is at least progress going on here!  I have also managed to put a lot of things where they go, and that makes the house feel cleaner overall, too.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Decluttering Update 1

I have been trying to work on the decluttering, but I haven't spent much time at home these last three days.  I have been out of the house all day, all three days.  This means that by the time I have finally gotten home I haven't wanted to tackle this cleaning thing.  I have been trying to at least make a dent in things though.

So far, I have managed to throw away a whole trash bag full of papers and paper things.  I will admit, some of it has just been the junk mail, but at least it hasn't made it into the house.  AJ sold one of the items that we had on craigslist - YAY!!! And, today I returned some of the things we had borrowed from AJ's parents.  Those things made a dent in our garage decluttering.

Current List:

1. Paint Sprayer - sold
2. Car ramps - returned
3. Book - returned
4. Paperwork - returned
5. Bag of plastic bags - trashed
6. Trash bag full of paperwork - trashed
7. Box of old paperwork - burned
8. Old cell phones and chargers (6) - donated

At this pace I am a little nervous about hitting my minimum goal of 330.  I know if I counted every item I would be closer, especially if every piece of paper counted.  I am hoping that next week when I am not as crazy run around busy I will get that number up higher through actual items.  Here is hoping!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Joining "The Big Declutter of 2010"

My sister-in-law is challenging people to do a big declutter project before the end of the year.  I so need to get in on this bandwagon.  I have been trying to follow Flylady these last two weeks since I stopped working, but Bug has a different opinion of how I should be spending my days - namely in the bathroom or in bed.  

But, I know come next year we are going to be bring a bunch of new stuff into our house to get ready for said little Bug.  I want to have the house in a much more orderly situation before that happens.  I also really want to get my playroom (craft room) organized so that I can really get in there and work on some major projects.

I am not following all the same rules that Ashley is, but similar ones.  I am counting paper items toward my count totals, but I am not sure if a stack will count as one item or each piece as an item.  I think I am setting my number at 420 items.  This is 15 items a day (the 15 item Fling Boogie from Flylady) that we plan on being home during the full month of December.  I might adjust this number to not include weekends which would  put the count at 330 items.  This seems like a lot especially since I have been working on throwing things out for the last month or so, but I am determined to get close to this number.  We have stuff out in the garage that still needs to go, clothes that need to be tossed, and lots of just stuff that doesn't mean anything to me, while having the space means a lot more.

My goal is to get rid of at least 15 things a day and post a picture of them (or at least a list).  This will hopefully serve a couple of purposes - to clear out stuff and to get me back in the habit of posting more frequently.  I will admit, there will probably be at least a day delay because well, life gets busy sometimes.  I am also apologizing up front - if you see something that you gave us as a present and it is going out the door, then know that it is going to a home that will love it.  We are grateful for things, but I will be the first to admit, sometimes things just don't fill the need that we have at that time.  And right now, I need the things in our home to be filling a need or something we love beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Let me know if you are going to participate, too.  I would love to know other people who are doing this.  I always find encouragement in sharing challenges like this with others!

Saturday, November 20, 2010


There have been lots of things going on in my head lately, but unfortunately not a lot have wanted to come out in writing.  Maybe bullet points will at least get some of them out and help me work through them later on.

  • I have enjoyed my first week being "unemployed." Though I spent most of it sick with a sinus infection.
  • My old boss called a lot this week asking where things were and how I had done things.
  • I can see that if I don't work on setting up some routines now, I am going to fall into that pit of "I have plenty of time to do it later."
  • We had an OB appointment this week. 
    • We heard Bug's heart beat on the doppler - FINALLY! Little rascal kept hiding until now.
    • We got some of the results back from the blood work side of the test.
      • I am not a carrier for cystic fibrosis - YAY!
      • I finally know what my blood type is.
    • We are still waiting on some of the test.  Because Bug didn't cooperate we have to wait to get round two of blood work at 17 weeks to try to get some final results.
  • Ikea stinks sometimes because they are off cycle with the rest of the shopping world.  Their Christmas decoration season is mid-September through December 1.  Which means that they are almost out of all the things I wanted.  Oh well, I know for next year.
  •  I wish I knew what I wanted for Christmas, but the only things I can come up with are expensive things and I don't think I am really going to get a new couch for Christmas.
  • Heck, I wish I knew what I wanted for my birthday because that happens before Christmas.
  • I am excited about going on a Tour of Homes with my mom and her best friend in December.  They crack me up when they are together and I haven't been with them in about five years.
  • I really want to go over to Disney to see the Christmas stuff.
  • Bug has been on my mind a lot lately, namely things about dealing with stuff.  More on this later, probably.
  • We went camping last weekend.  It was fun, minus all the craziness moments.  I want to do a post on it, but I don't think I took a lot of pictures - which I meant too.
  • We are probably starting our official Christmas shopping today, my sister-in-law's family is only coming for Thanksgiving this year, so I need to get their presents together.
  • We need to find a good picture for our Christmas cards this year.  Which means, if you want a Christmas card from us, please make sure I have your address!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Christmas Fever

I am having this crazy craving to decorate for Christmas.  This is a very unusual feeling for me because I am such a "Fall Baby".  Normally, I don't want anything to do with Christmas before my birthday is over (around Thanksgiving).  This year is totally the opposite.  I can't fathom waiting until after Thanksgiving to decorate.  I have been looking at Christmas decorations since the start of October. 

I wanted to just skip the Fall decorations this year and jump straight into Christmas decorations.  I am thinking it has something to do with the bright colors.  I plan on using red, white, grey, and black for Christmas this year.  I have been really inspired by the Scandinavian style of Christmas decorations.  I found an article in a Better Homes & Garden from last year that showed how nice this style looks.  Which works out well because last year my mom bought a lot of decorations from IKEA.  She gave them to me after Christmas because I liked the way they looked.  This helps me not have to go buy a lot this year.  There are some things I want to pick up from IKEA though.  

I want to get these extra things from Ikea:


 Cute little elf ornaments

Grass Goats

I also have a lot of little things I want to make.  

An advent calendar and cute little stars that I found at Allsorts:

I also want to try making a couple of little totems that I found at MamaRoots:

Aren't they cute? I am so looking forward to getting the house decorated with these cute little things.  I also have some fund stuff I picked up from Target last year that was in their "Woodland Chalet" collection.  I was scared that I wouldn't get to pick up anymore of those items again this year because Target has the habit of not repeating themes, but I was in the store a couple of days ago and it at least looks hopeful that they might have some stuff.  They had some tablecloths labeled  "Woodland Chalet".  That would be nice because I would really like to get a tablecloth and a runner for our buffet.  I am also mildly tempted to recover the dining room chairs again for Christmas.  IKEA has some great winter themed fabric for "cheap" at $4.99 a yard.

I am also fighting the urge to make cookies.  There are several reasons behind this - one is I am not much of a baker and two I can't stand being around food right now.  I am hoping that in the next couple of weeks things will get better and I will be able to make some cookies. 

I really am suffering from Christmas fever.  I hope it at least calms down soon, or we might be skipping the pumpkin dishes at Thanksgiving and skipping straight into stringing popcorn garlands for the stairwell.

Monday, November 1, 2010

How I Spent My Halloween

This last weekend was ROUGH!  I thought I was having a bout of stomach flu on top of the morning sickness.  I just didn't feel good and I was vomiting more than normal.  Saturday, AJ had to work most of the day and I slept off and on all day.  Sunday, AJ had to work again. But I got worse.  The vomiting increased to once or twice an hour, and I finally weighed myself.  I had lost 8 lbs since Friday morning.  Under normal circumstances I would have been jumping for joy, but these aren't normal circumstances.

So, I called AJ and we decided that it was probably a wise idea to go to the ER.  We called the nurse on call with our insurance (I really like having that feature), and she said that if I was vomiting more than three times a day I should either call the doctor or go to the emergency room.  OK, well I am glad to know we were on the right track.

We get there, and they move us along fairly quickly.  The doctor decides that I have hyperemesis gravidarum. This means that I have to get an IV.  I HATE IVs!!! Actually, they are one of my strongest phobias out there.  In most cases, I would rather die than get one.  Well, yesterday, I already felt dead so I didn't put up a fight until they were trying to get the FOURTH one in me.  They punched FIVE holes, for TWO IVs!

I was so dehydrated that they had a hard time getting the first two in, so the nurse switched to a neonatal IV.  She managed to get that in, but the IV wasn't going fast enough for the doctor.  She decided that she was going to put a bigger tube.  That failed MISERABLY.  I love doctors, but you could tell she wasn't used to doing this.  It hurt really bad, so after a few minutes of her trying she finally gave up.  I got a little bit of rest until it was shift change.  The new nurse decided to try to put a bigger one in, too.  She got it in with only a little pain.  I will say once she got that one in the fluid started moving faster.  I had been moving about 100 mls every hour, and it went up to 100 mls every 15 minutes or so.  They also gave me something for vomiting in the IV.  I think that was the best part of the whole ordeal.

I finished the bag, and they were coming into to release me.  They came in and also told me I have a bladder infection.  I am not sure how that happened, but I know that can contribute to the vomiting.  So, I am not on an antibiotic for that.  

Today hasn't been much better.  AJ took the day off to make sure I didn't get worse.  We filled the prescription and I have slept a lot between rounds of vomiting.  I feel totally overwhelmed by all of this actually.  I am in the "lucky" 1% that has this problem.  I was hoping the last couple of weeks were a good sign that it was under control, but it doesn't look that way.  We go to the OB tomorrow, and hopefully he will have some ideas on how to help this because NOTHING is seeming to work.  I want to feel better!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Life Changes

It has almost been a month since I have posted.  Things have been in a state of flux for a while.  But, I think things are going to start settling into a new normal rhythm.

I have put in notice to quit my job.  This was a really hard decision for me, but it was the right one.  AJ has been really supportive about it and we are working on ways to negate my income loss (my income is such a small part of our budget that doesn't look like it is going to have much of an impact).  I have been having some problems with my joints, but not an actual flare.  We think it has something to do with this:

We are pregnant.  We have been a little tight lipped about this because I have been worried something might not go right.  We had to tell people I am close to in real life because I have had some HORRIBLE morning sickness.  I am very thankful for that because the doctor keeps saying it is a good sign of everything.

I also haven't wanted to say a whole lot online about it because I am friends with some AMAZING women who are struggling with infertility, and I don't want to hurt them.  I know the tears they have shed and the frustration they feel when someone else crosses over to the realm of pregnant.  I just wish I could explain why this is such an important thing to me, but I don't want to go into detail other than saying here is some of my story, the rest involves LOTS of scar tissue and LOTS of tears.

I also know that now is about the best time to make this public. We go for our 12 week NT scan next week, and I need to be able to write about my feelings dealing with all of this.  We aren't expecting anything bad, but there are A LOT of emotions rolling around inside of me right now.

Our world is changing.  I am excited, but still really scared.  I don't know what my body is doing anymore.  I used to have some strange notion that I could at least control my own body functions, but now I know that isn't an option.  Why, I still thought that after discovering the RA I don't know, but I am really good at self delusion. 

Thursday, September 30, 2010

I Spy with My Little Eye - Making Bento (again)

I have been trying to get back into making bentos again.  I wasn't having much luck, no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't get myself back into it.  Then, I had a friend who's family is stationed in Japan send me a new bento box.  Well, apparently, that was the motivation I needed. 

I have been scouring cookbooks lately, especially Japanese ones.  I found a couple of new bento cookbooks that I would love to have.  They are supposed to be really good on helping create cute (kawaii) bentos.  I have even gone back and watched the "Good Eats" episodes on sushi and Japanese pantry items.

This bento isn't really cute, but it was a good first start.  I made some really good rice (meshi), which I will say, I had forgotten how long of a process it is (about 30-45 minutes).   I mixed the rice with cream cheese and cooked salmon to make rice balls (onigiri). I made smaller rice balls, and put smoked salmon on top. I was trying to replicate the nigiri style with raw salmon (but since I didn't have that I used smoked).  Then I sliced up some avocado.  I really like the color contrast going on against the black box background.  This isn't a very "full" bento and it is lacking vegetables (so is our house), but since I am not eating a lot lately it was actually too much food.  I ate one half of the box, which was a bit more than I was expecting.  

I am hoping that this is a good start to making bentos again.  I pulled out all of my supplies and boxes and I am feeling really excited about making them.  I even found a weekly meal planning sheet that is specifically designed to help build a bento for lunch.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

I Spy with My Little Eye - Jack

We have been watching a friend's dog for a couple of days while they are out of town.  His name is Jack and he is a Shih Tzu.  He is the sweetest puppy I have ever seen.  He is really calm and very lovable.  

 He made himself right at home on our Gator blanket.  AJ thought this was funny since his parents aren't Gators.

Jack sleeps a lot!

Jack is such a sweet puppy.  We have really enjoyed having him for a couple of days.  I know we are going to have a really really really hard time giving him back.  It has also been nice to be around a puppy that doesn't shed or make me sneeze occasionally.  I don't know if we are ready to have a full time puppy of our own, but this has been a good experience for us both.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

I Spy with My Little Eye - A Whirly Bird


Today there was a helicopter that decided to sit over my house for a couple of hours.  It was interesting to start with, but then it got annoying.  It was circling over our house, and it was getting really loud.

I didn't realize until I started looking at the pictures that it was a news chopper.   I knew it wasn't a police chopper because it didn't have the really big search lights on it, but I couldn't see much detail otherwise. 

I guess I really should at least look at the news to see what was going on.  It is a local news channel for Orlando, but I can't think of anything that would be going on at the intersection by our house it was directly over.  They would hold steady for a while there, and then start circling over our house.  There weren't any cops or anything at that intersection.  If I ever find out what it was I will post it.  

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

I Spy with My Little Eye - The Florida Gators

This Saturday AJ and I got to attend the season opener for the Florida Gators.  It was really hot!  The game was ok, but we did have a good time.  AJ got tickets from his boss and we drove up Saturday morning for a noon game.  It wasn't the ideal situation, but we made it just after kick-off.  I think we would have made kick-off if I could walk faster. 

There were 90, 178 people in attendance of the game.  That is a lot of people!

The Boys of Old Florida!

I managed to get a decent picture of  Urban Meyer! 

I love the way this picture came out.  I was playing with the settings on my camera when there was a tv time-out or something.  I did the color focus on the field and I think it came out really well. 

We had a great time at the game.  I wish we had had longer to see people up in Gainesville, though.  It never seems like we have enough time to see all the people that we want to visit with.  I know that we are going to go back, but it still makes me sad not to see everyone that we want to see!

Monday, September 6, 2010

Visiting Georgia

A couple of weeks ago we went up to Atlanta for our niece's first birthday.  It was a nice trip, but fairly short.  We didn't get to do nearly all we wanted to, or see all the people that we would have like to have seen.  It seems a number of our friends are moving to Atlanta lately.

We did get to play tourist for a little bit though.  That was really fun.  AJ joked that since we aren't tourist in Orlando, that we get to be one elsewhere.  We were those crazy people taking pictures in non-traditional tourist locations.  

We decided that if we are traveling to a city that has an IKEA, then we have to get our picture in front of it.


We found a cool two-story Target.  I am not used to them looking like anything other than concrete boxes.  It had a parking garage attached and an escalator to get into the store (it also had a special escalator for the carts on the way down).  AJ says this one is in a converted industrial area.  I really like it!

I thought this building looked interesting.  I love the shape of it!


We also did one very touristy thing! Care to guess where we were?

THE VARSITY!  We make it a habit to stop here at least once when we are in Atlanta. 

We played tourist for most of one day, and then the next day we helped get ready for our niece's first birthday.  Ashely (aka Savannah's mom) planned a really big party for her.  It was at a cute little park near their house.  It was nice to get to meet some more of that side of the family, and finally meet some of the people that Ashley is friends with! I also got to meet Paul's family.


 I got to meet Beth from The Nurturing Mama and Maddie, too!   

Savannah looked VERY cute in her dress and hair bows!
I am also proud of Paul for wearing his Gator shirt we got him for Christmas :)


A better shot of the hair bows!  Her hair up like that just cracks me up!!!

Savannah trying out the cake. She was a little slow to dive right in.

She is starting to get the hang of it.

Savannah going after the candle.  I love the fact that she got icing up to her elbows.

It was a really fun trip to Atlanta, but way to short. Sunday, we woke up and headed to meet one of AJ's best friends and his wife for church.  We went to church and then grabbed a quick lunch with them.  It wasn't nearly long enough to catch up.  They just moved up there a month ago so we were excited to hear all about their new jobs and where they were living.  AJ and Chris started talking baseball, and it made us wish that we could have taken in a Braves game while we were there.  We also wanted to go to the World of Coke, too.  Oh well, there is always next time!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

I wear my sunglasses inside.

The Gators WON! So AJ bought be orange & blue flowers. :]

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I Spy with My Little Eye - Sandhill Cranes

 This year we have had a lot of Sandhill cranes.  I don't know what caused such an increase, but they are EVERYWHERE!  A couple of weeks ago there was a pair at the church I work at, and they seemed cranky that I was there.  This week a pair has discovered our birdbath/ bird feeder. 

I think it is funny that we have been putting seed in the feeder for about a year, and we haven't had much interest in the feeder other than a few tiny little sparrows that eat the seed that is on the ground.  Now, all of a sudden we have Sandhill cranes that think it is their buffet.  I guess in some ways it is, because it is almost on beak level for them.  It is really funny to watch them eat! 

The pair that has been taking up residence don't seem to be scared of much other than the lady who was walking a really big dog.  Otherwise, the cranes seem to wander a way for a little while, and then wander back to the feeder and eat a little more.  I have enjoyed their company.  They are really enjoyable to watch, and being able to watch them is another reason I really enjoy where we live.  I love getting to see the nature around us.


Thursday, August 26, 2010

Tonight I Want To Cry

Alone in this house LIVING ROOM again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine

I've never been the kind to ever let my TRUE feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk sad enough to let got of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

Would it help if I turned a sad song on?
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you THROUGH THIS by hidin' this way

I've never been the kind to ever let my TRUE feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk sad enough to let got of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

(I butchered this song. The real version can be found here.) 

I am tired of being strong.  I am tired of being "happy".  I am tired of having to "laugh it off."  I am tired of being what I think everyone else wants to see.

My heart hurts and this pain is real.  I just need a place to be honest about it.  I don't really have that as an option because almost anyone I can talk to I am going to potentially hurt their feelings.  I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but my nerves are raw and I don't think I could pull any punches about now.

Monday, August 16, 2010

I Spy with My Little Eye - Car Wrecks

(Sorry for the low quality image, but I only had my phone's camera close when we were going by this.)

Cars seem to like flipping upside down a lot where we live.  This is the second set of cars I saw upside down in the course of four days.  These two wrecks happened on the same road, but not all the ones we see happen just on this road.  There are two roads into our area of Orlando, and neither of them are particularly crazy roads.  The other road is a four lane highway with the speed for most of it at 45 mph.  This road is two lane with some of the length at 45 mph and others at 55 mph (though now there is a construction zone and it is 35 mph, but neither of the wrecks this week occurred anywhere near the construction).  Neither road is overly curvy or crazy.  This week neither wreck happened when there was water on the road or anything else to make it extra prone to wrecks.  I can't figure out why there are so many wrecks on these roads, and when I say wrecks I don't mean fender-benders.

I know one area on the other road that has a LOT of wrecks, but I have figured out why those happen there. It is a tight curve at 45 mph where a side street comes out right in the middle of the curve, and people crossing the north bound lane can't see around the curve or how fast the other cars are moving.  There are frequently wrecks there, and a lot of cars turned upside down from those wrecks.  I always freak out and slow way down when going around that curve if people are trying to cross.  I have had a couple of wrecks happen while I was in that area.

These wrecks are always scary to me.  I don't like the thought of people getting hurt.  They just seem to happen a lot, and with no real good reason.  I know that the people down here drive FAST, and they frequently aren't paying attention - either to driving or the laws.  On the road that the above wreck is on people frequently pass on corners/ curves, use the center of the road to pass (even though it isn't a passing lane or even wide enough to fit a car in the center area), and on the sides of the road.  It is REALLY scary when people are passing in the center around a curve and another car comes around the bend.  

I do have to agree with AJ on the above wreck - "How do two cars flip upside down on a straight road with no rain?"  The odd thing is that there was a third car involved in the wreck that isn't in the picture because it was behind the upside down blue car and the police cars.  I am still amazed that we have this many major wrecks close to my house.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Wrong Way

I decided to take a break from the "Battle of the Bulge" this week.  I have had a couple of rough weeks physically and mentally.  I have had a weight gain.  I don't know if it is a water gain or a true weight gain.  I still can't wear my wedding rings, and some of the clothes I was fitting back into are slightly tighter again. 

I need motivation to get back on track.  I need to want to exercise.  I need to want to track my food.  I just don't know how to get back to where I was.  I want to lose the rest of the weight.  I was making good progress, but now it is just stalled.

We have been trying to get pregnant, and so far we aren't.  It is really depressing me.  I have never hated getting a period so badly in my life.  It has made me not really care about a lot.  It is weird, in some ways I have wanted more control in certain areas of life, but in others I don't care.  I know I am turning back to food for comfort, but I don't want to do that.

I haven't had a desire to cook lately.  I haven't had a strong desire to eat either, but I have been eating things I don't care about or just grazing.  Neither is what I should be doing.  I haven't been productive on much of anything else, either.  I make my normal to-do list, ones that I should be able to get done in one of my days off, will take a week or longer.  I have wanted to just curl up in a ball on the couch lately, well when I am not sleeping or fighting a crazy bad headache.

I just want to get back on track.  I don't know how though.  I keep telling myself I am going to wake up the next morning and be "back to normal".  I wake up and I don't want to get up, or I let myself sleep.  Then I walk out and see the house in chaos, and think if I just ignore it then it will go away.  I know the house isn't that big of a wreck - we are making progress on the garage, and some things are in the house so AJ could build shelves in the garage, we are making piles of things to take back to people, and the laundry needs to be put away - but it is a mess to me right now.  The only thing I seem to be good at lately is getting rid of clutter, and taking things down to get rid of or at least store until I know what I want to do with them.

I know this is really rambly, but it is what is going on in my head right now.  I am hoping that if I can get it out, then I can start working on fixing it.  I don't know how to get my motivation back, and any thoughts or ideas on that would be really helpful!