Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Pain

I normally don't talk about the physical problems I am having. I might mention them in passing, but I rarely go into the details. Part of the reason for this is I don't have any clue what is wrong. One doctor diagnosed it as one thing, and then when I mention that to any other doctors they mildly flip out and say that diagnosis is a cop-out answer. I have been seeing a nutritionist, and trying to get answers or even some relief by controlling my food and the chemicals in them. It has helped until recently.

Lately, the pain has been unbearable. Today, it was so bad I had tears running down my face at work. Luckily, my boss wasn't there yet, and when he did get there he let me come home early. I got home, took some pain killer (what a joke of a name, if you ask me), and then proceeded to sleep for 4.5 hours. I was so hoping that when I woke up, I would feel mildly better, and be able to actually do some of the stuff I wanted to do. No such luck. The things that only moderately hurt were mildly better, but the things that really hurt, well they still really hurt.

There is something wrong when even laying or sitting down makes you want to cry. Every joint in my body ACHES, every muscle feels like it is on fire, and every nerve ending is in hyper-drive mode. I can barely stand to have anything touch me, let alone if I bump into something. Barely bumping into something means that I am going to be in EXCRUCIATING pain for a hour or more.

I am so tired, but I am sleeping somewhat normally lately. I thought it was because I was giving in and taking Tylenol PM at night, but even the nights that I don't take it I am getting about 4 hours sleep before I start waking up from the pain of laying down. I have spent more than a couple of days lately sleeping. I will wake up for a couple of hours (maybe) and then pass out again. It is really odd.

I am having  a hard time with this whole situation. I want to do so many things lately. I have the problem of making myself push through the pain to do a lot. I know I am going to suffer later, but there are things I don't want to give up. I want to spend time with my friends and family, but I know I am going to hate it and myself later.

I have an appointment with an endocrinologist tomorrow. I am hoping to maybe get some answers, or at least a path to pursue for something. I am mildly scared at the same time though. Doing research for a lot of my symptoms leads to some potentially scary things. The bad part is none of them are "zebra" type problems. Most of them are autoimmune problems, and well... I have a fairly messed up immune system. I have never denied that, and some how it wouldn't surprise me that my immune system has decided to just be even more of a pain. It is the only thing that isn't hurting right now, so maybe it just wants to get in on the "fun".

Well, I might post more on this later, but it depends on how things go, or just how long it takes to figure something out.

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