Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas - Looking forward to the New Year

Merry Christmas!

I am happy that it is Christmas. We got to come home to my parents place, which has not happened since AJ and I got married. It was nice waking up here, and just being able to come down to the house for Christmas morning.

I have had a good Christmas. It has been fun and wonderful. But, I am looking forward to the new year. I am looking forward to getting back into my routines and starting some new ones. There are so many things that I want to start doing and incorporating into our lives. I just need the time and things to slow down to get things figured out.

I have come to the conclusion that where my life is heading is something I am terming "vintage homemaking". I have been heading in this direction for a VERY long time. I started trying to figure this stuff out when I first graduated college. There have been lots of bumps along the way. The biggest one has been overcome... I got married to a man who wants to have a wife that is into homemaking. The next biggest ones have been finding the information that I want to know.

Luckily, my parents are real throwbacks (a term I use with love, and very frequently call myself). They grew up with parents who were adults during The Great Depression, and that has influenced their lives and mine. I grew up with parents who grew food, canned, and raised farm animals. Some of my earliest memories are of slaughter days and learning how to make our own food. My grandparents  and parents quilted, knitted, crocheted, sewed, cooked, hunted, fished, planted, and gardened all for survival and because that is what they knew. I have gotten a lot of information from them, but not as much as I want.

I have discovered that my family has been "green" long before "green" ever existed. Luckily, their quirkiness on that stuff has been passed to me. I have been on the green websites and learned more there, too. I don't want to go "green". I don't care nearly as much about that aspect... I am not saying that I want to do things to hurt the world, but I am not going to go out of my way to do things to that inconvenience me either. I like a lot of the ideas that the websites have, but I get tired of reading about "carbon footprints" and "CO2 emissions".

I have also found some homemaking forums, but they are on sites I don't always agree with either. I don't want to go into what they are, but they do have some useful information. Though I don't agree with the sites, I am glad to know that there are people out there trying to learn these things, too. Occasionally, I feel lost in all of this because it feels like I am the only one trying to tackle these things.

I don't want commercialization. I want real stuff. I am tired of plastic things. I am tired of things that break, don't last, and are not reparable or re-purposeable.

I am not saying that to say we are getting rid of technology, heck I just got my new Zune and it is charging as I type this, but more to say... I don't want my homemaking attempts to be fake or bought. I want my life to be real and the things in it to be real.

Real food. Real clothes. Real time and energy. Real love being put into things. Real work.

I want to hone my skills. I want to be good at the things I do. At the end of the day I want to be proud of what I have done and accomplished. I want it to be something that serves me and my husband. I want him to be proud of who we are and what we can do to take care of ourselves.

I don't know how long it will really take to make these transformations, but I want to do them. I want to try to keep track of our journey in all the things we do. AJ is learning all kinds of new things, too. I am really proud of his accomplishments - as I write this he is sitting on the couch reading a book he got for Christmas on DIY Home Improvements - he is turning into an amazing home person.

I know this post is long and rambling, but a journey has to start somewhere, and mine normally start with some random wanderings... so this is that first wandering rambling step.

Here is to the Journey!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Pain

I normally don't talk about the physical problems I am having. I might mention them in passing, but I rarely go into the details. Part of the reason for this is I don't have any clue what is wrong. One doctor diagnosed it as one thing, and then when I mention that to any other doctors they mildly flip out and say that diagnosis is a cop-out answer. I have been seeing a nutritionist, and trying to get answers or even some relief by controlling my food and the chemicals in them. It has helped until recently.

Lately, the pain has been unbearable. Today, it was so bad I had tears running down my face at work. Luckily, my boss wasn't there yet, and when he did get there he let me come home early. I got home, took some pain killer (what a joke of a name, if you ask me), and then proceeded to sleep for 4.5 hours. I was so hoping that when I woke up, I would feel mildly better, and be able to actually do some of the stuff I wanted to do. No such luck. The things that only moderately hurt were mildly better, but the things that really hurt, well they still really hurt.

There is something wrong when even laying or sitting down makes you want to cry. Every joint in my body ACHES, every muscle feels like it is on fire, and every nerve ending is in hyper-drive mode. I can barely stand to have anything touch me, let alone if I bump into something. Barely bumping into something means that I am going to be in EXCRUCIATING pain for a hour or more.

I am so tired, but I am sleeping somewhat normally lately. I thought it was because I was giving in and taking Tylenol PM at night, but even the nights that I don't take it I am getting about 4 hours sleep before I start waking up from the pain of laying down. I have spent more than a couple of days lately sleeping. I will wake up for a couple of hours (maybe) and then pass out again. It is really odd.

I am having  a hard time with this whole situation. I want to do so many things lately. I have the problem of making myself push through the pain to do a lot. I know I am going to suffer later, but there are things I don't want to give up. I want to spend time with my friends and family, but I know I am going to hate it and myself later.

I have an appointment with an endocrinologist tomorrow. I am hoping to maybe get some answers, or at least a path to pursue for something. I am mildly scared at the same time though. Doing research for a lot of my symptoms leads to some potentially scary things. The bad part is none of them are "zebra" type problems. Most of them are autoimmune problems, and well... I have a fairly messed up immune system. I have never denied that, and some how it wouldn't surprise me that my immune system has decided to just be even more of a pain. It is the only thing that isn't hurting right now, so maybe it just wants to get in on the "fun".

Well, I might post more on this later, but it depends on how things go, or just how long it takes to figure something out.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Participation in Once A Month Cooking #oamc

Well, I sort of did this. I got a really late start (I went thrift store shopping this morning), which was about 1:30pm. Not exactly the best idea or preparation I have had. I had to run by Publix again today (we had just gone on Sunday evening).

I really wanted to just take the day and cook/ bake. My muscle and joint problems have been really BAD lately. I have been having tremors that are whole body ones instead of just the shoulder. The pain has been through the roof, also. I think that not watching what I am eating as closely has been a part of that. It hasn't been bad, but I haven't been making "whole foods" as big a part of my world as I was for a while. I haven't been using a whole lot of prepackaged food, but more than I am comfortable with. It was nice to really get in the kitchen and just make a mess, making a mess of food for a later date.

Goals to get made today:

Beef broth 
Roast a chicken
Bread - Honey Wheat Loafs
Muffins - Cranberry Walnut
Chicken broth
Pumpkin spice french toast 

I didn't get the chicken broth done today. I have all the veggies prepped for making it tomorrow. I want to make a batch of chicken noodle soup to put in the freezer. Both the broth and the soup are uses for left over roast chicken that I really love.

I plan on putting pictures up later tonight of what I got done. I just don't trust myself with the camera in the kitchen.

I also did a freezer inventory today. We have A LOT of food in the two freezers. I really need to cook one of the turkeys we have in there. We also have two hams.  I am happy to find out that we have 5 lbs of ground beef. I guess I need to make some taco meat, spaghetti sauce, and taco soup soon.