I am engaged! I am still kind of in a shocked daze about it, but I am fairly sure it is real. I am so in love with AJ and I have been for so long. I never knew what this really felt like before. It is a quiet peaceful feeling. A sense of happiness that washes over me when I am around him or even thinking about him. It is a safeness that I have never known from someone not in my family.
I don't know where this road is going to lead and I am still nervous about that, but not about the person I am walking along the road with. I know deep down that he is truthful about never leaving me, that he does love me, and that all of what has happened so far is nothing but the tip of the iceberg.
I think it is funny that people keep asking me about the ring and if I have spent a lot of time looking at it. Not really. I guess I am just odd that the ring is important, but I would much rather spend that time looking at and holding my AJ. When I do look at the ring it is more like seeing the promise and the commitment behind it than actually seeing the ring. I want him... that is what I have always wanted.
AJ has been so used by God to redeem so many things that it just doesn't seem real or possible. So many things that I thought were lost to bad memories have been redefined and turned into such amazingly happy and loving memories. I know that there are still lots of things to go, but I can see God's handiwork in all of them so I know it is going to be ok.
AJ has so many things in him that I have desired in a potential spouse for so long the fact that they are really all in one person just dumbfounds me. I have a nerd who respects the fact that I am one too and doesn't see it as a bad thing at all. Someone who has my desire for a family and a closeness to friends.
Like I said... I am still in shock and having AJ walk up and hug me and tell me he has waited for so long to be able to hold me close as his fiance is just beyond all comprehension. I think I have never really gotten used to the fact that he wants to date me, let alone actually marry me. It has been a almost like a dream the whole dating thing... Now I have to get used to this getting married idea. Yeah, don't read that in a negative light, it is just a little overwhelming at the moment. I can't wait on it to happen though. To have a husband that loves me and truly wants to be by my side for the rest of my life.