Friday, May 18, 2007

Day 3

Day 3


It's just the way I am. I can't help it. I'm a worrier by
nature. I'm too old to change.

Do any of those phrases sound familiar to you? Do you
find yourself excusing your tendency to worry or your
lack of discipline? Unfortunately we have too often
allowed ourselves the Privilege of Excuse to mask
areas in our lives which need change or improvement.

I keep trying to find a life
On my own, apart from you
I am the king of excuses
Ive got one for every selfish thing I do

Whats going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I’m still a man in need of a savior

The disease of self runs through my blood
Its a cancer fatal to my soul
Every attempt on my behalf has failed
To bring this sickness under control

Tell me, whats going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicionshat I’m still a man in need of a savior

- DC Talk

I identify so much with this song. I am good at excuses. I have gotten better, but they are easy to fall into. I can justify almost anything in my head to allow me to feel ok and to do what I want to do. My heart doesn't fall for it most of the time and that then leads to a battle for who is going to win. I wish I could say my heart wins out most of the time, but it doesn't. I am not even sure that it is 50-50.

"Let not your hearts be troubled. Trust in God" (John 14:1).
When Jesus uses the words "let not," He is telling us
that we have the power of choice. We need not be victims of
our personalities or human tendencies or backgrounds. The
road to victory is rocky and uphill, but God gives us
the pattern for that victory: Do not be anxious about
everything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with
thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace
of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard
your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus
(Philippians 4:6-8).

I am not even sure I can put into words my thoughts about this. After the breakdown I had yesterday about just the current chaos of my life I am needing this more than ever. I think part of it was that I was trying to be strong on my own, I was not letting my strength and courage come from God, but from my own self. Again, not good. I am glad God gives us the choice, that we don't have to fall into the traps of our own selves. I try not to, and with what is going on I am scared of disappointing God in so many ways. I don't want to take the one He doesn't want me in, I want to be able to do His will, and I want to be happy with the choice.

This was a shorter one today. I am really tired and want to go take a nap somewhere, but I am at work... hmmm.... the desk is starting to look comfy about now.

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