Friday, March 9, 2007

Love Language.

Again I borrowed something from Ashley. This time it is the love languages quiz.

I didn't need a quiz to figure out the physical touch, but it was nice to know a quiz can tell me something I have figured out on my own... well sorta. I thought this quiz was interesting because it is the first one of the love languages that didn't almost tie touch and time. But I guess you can't have touch if you don't have time, or at least that is how I view it.

The last question on the quiz really got me... Do I need touch daily or affirmation daily. I was surprised by my reaction to that. I know which one I want daily, but I am starting to enjoy both. Hmmm.

Oh, BTW I don't really endorse the rest of the website, it is just where the quiz was.

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch: 12
Quality Time: 7
Words of Affirmation: 5
Receiving Gifts: 4
Acts of Service: 2


Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

123 Films I Have Seen

I got this from Ashley off of her Facebook page. I thought it would be fun to see how many movies I have seen. Needless to say it is a lot. I went well over the 85 films. I think I need to watch more though :)

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SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 films, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 239 films on this list. Copy this list, go to your own facebook account, paste this as a note. Then, put x's next to the films you've seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click post at the bottom. Have fun.


(X)Rocky Horror Picture Show
()Grease
(X)Pirates of the Caribbean
(X)Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
(X) Boondock Saints
(X) Fight Club
()Starsky and Hutch
(X)Neverending Story
(X)Blazing Saddles
()Airplane
Total: 7

(X) The Princess Bride
(X) AnchorMan
()Napoleon Dynamite
(X)Labyrinth
(X)Saw
()Saw II
()White Noise
()White Oleander
()Anger Management
(X)50 First Dates
(X)The Princess Diaries
(X)The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 14

(X) Scream
(X) Scream 2
(X) Scream 3
()Scary Movie
()Scary Movie 2
(X)Scary Movie 3
()Scary Movie 4
(X) American Pie
(X) American Pie 2
() American Wedding
(X)American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 21

(X)Harry Potter 1
(X)Harry Potter 2
(X)Harry Potter 3
(X)Harry Potter 4
()Resident Evil 1
()Resident Evil 2
(X) The Wedding Singer
() Little Black Book
(X) The Village
(X) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 28

(X) Finding Nemo
()Finding Neverland
(X)Signs
(X) The Grinch
()Texas Chainsaw Massacre
()Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
() White Chicks
()Butterfly Effect
(X) 13 Going on 30
() I, Robot
(X)Robots
Total so far: 33

()Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
()Universal Soldier
()Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
() Along Came Polly
(X) Deep Impact
() KingPin
(X) Never Been Kissed
() Meet The Parents
() Meet the Fockers
()Eight Crazy Nights
()Joe Dirt
()King Kong
Total so far: 35

(X) A Cinderella Story
() The Terminal
()The Lizzie McGuire Movie
()Passport to Paris
() Dumb & Dumber
()Dumb & Dumberer
(X) Final Destination
(X)Final Destination 2
()Final Destination 3
(X)Halloween
(X) The Ring
()The Ring 2
()Surviving X-MAS
(X)Flubber
Total so far: 41

()Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(X) Practical Magic
(X) Chicago
()Ghost Ship
(X)From Hell
()Hellboy
()Secret Window
() I Am Sam
() The Whole Nine Yards
()The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 44

(X)The Day After Tomorrow
(X)Child's Play
()Seed of Chucky
(X)Bride of Chucky
(X) Ten Things I Hate About You
(X) Just Married
()Gothika
()Nightmare on Elm Street
() Sixteen Candles
() Remember the Titans
()Coach Carter
() The Grudge
()The Grudge 2
(X)The Mask
()Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 50

() Bad Boys
() Bad Boys 2
()Joy Ride
()Lucky Number Sleven
(X) Ocean's Eleven
(X) Ocean's Twelve
(X) Bourne Identity
(X) Bourne Supremecy
()Lone Star
(X)Bedazzled
()Predator I
()Predator II
(X)The Fog
(X) Ice Age
(X)Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
()Curious George
Total so far: 58

(X) Independence Day
()Cujo
()A Bronx Tale
()Darkness Falls
()Christine
(X) ET
()Children of the Corn
() My Bosses Daughter
() Maid in Manhattan
() War of the Worlds
() Rush Hour
() Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 60

()Best Bet
() How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(X) She's All That
() Calendar Girls
() Sideways
(X)Mars Attacks
()Event Horizon
(X) Ever After
(X) Wizard of Oz
(X) Forrest Gump
()Big Trouble in Little China
(X)The Terminator
(X) The Terminator 2
(X)The Terminator 3
Total so far: 68

(X)X-Men
(X)X-2
(X)X-3
(X) Spider-Man
(X) Spider-Man 2
()Sky High
()Jeepers Creepers
(X)Jeepers Creepers 2
(X) Catch Me If You Can
(X) The Little Mermaid
(X)Freaky Friday (as in the original, with Jodie Foster)
()Reign of Fire
(X) The Skulls
(X) Cruel Intentions
()Cruel Intentions 2
() The Hot Chick
(X) Shrek
(X) Shrek 2
Total so far: 81


() Swimfan
() Miracle on 34th street
() Old School
() The Notebook
(X) K-Pax
(X)Krippendorf's Tribe
(X) A Walk to Remember
()Ice Castles
()Boogeyman
(X) The 40-year-old Virgin
Total so far: 85

(X) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(X) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(X) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(X) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(X) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(X) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 91

()Baseketball
()Hostel
(X)Waiting for Guffman
()House of 1000 Corpses
()Devils Rejects
()Elf
(X)Highlander
() Mothman Prophecies
(X)American History X
()Three
Total so Far: 94

()The Jacket
()Kung Fu Hustle
()Shaolin Soccer
()Night Watch
(X) Monsters Inc.
(X) Titanic
(X)Monty Python and the Holy Grail
()Shaun Of the Dead
()Willard
Total so far: 97

()High Tension
()Club Dread
(X)Hulk
(X)Dawn Of the Dead
(X) Hook
(X)Chronicles Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
(X)28 days later
(X)Orgazmo
()Phantasm
(X)Waterworld
Total so far: 104

() Kill Bill Vol, 1
()Kill Bill Vol. 2
(X)Mortal Kombat
()Wolf Creek
(X)Kingdom of Heaven
()The Hills Have Eyes (original version, not the new one!)
(X)I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
()The Last House on the Left
()Re-Animator
(X)Army of Darkness
Total so far: 108

(X) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(X) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(X) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(X) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(X) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(X) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
(X)Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
(X)Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 116


(X) The Matrix
(X) The Matrix Reloaded
()The Matrix Revolutions
()Animatrix
(X)Evil Dead
(X)Evil Dead 2
()Team America: World Police
(X) Red Dragon
(X) Silence of the Lambs
(X) Hannibal
Total: 123

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Response to Kelly

Kelly I love you. That is a lot of the same conclusions I came to last night. That it is easy for people who do not see her in all the different lights to get mad at us for feeling hurt. They don't see the temper tantrums, the hurt looks we have, and the coddling we all try to do. Not coddling because we are patronizing, but the general coddling everyone does for the people in their life that they love - the coddling that says I love you and I want to protect you from all the bad of the world. I don't want to bad mouth her and I am not, we all know what has been going on. We all know the hurt feelings and the pain. I don't know as much as the rest of the ferrets, but I hear stuff and try to stay connected with you all. My heart goes out to all of you and it breaks for Charlene. I would love for great and wondrous things to come out of all of this. That this break would really allow her to see some of the negatives in her life and be able to look at them objectively and start to know that we do love her and want to help her deal with them. But also that she will know attempting this again isn't going to be an option. I love her and my heart is so hurt by all of this, it wants to shatter into thousands of pieces. I am so thankful that she is ok, and this is only the worst of it. I can't imagine the pain and suffering that would be happening if she had accomplished the suicide. I am sitting in the lab and I just want to cry right now. I want to be able to hug you and all the ferrets. I want to be able to hug her and let her know that we love her. I want to know why she thought this was the best method... to either get attention or to remove herself from this world. I wish I could understand the thoughts going through my head. My heart doesn't know what to feel anymore.


**************** Not Part of Response*******************
I am so scared that we are the bad guys. Those who know her can't speak out against her bad behavior before all this, because then we are bashing her. We can't hold her accountable for this, because then we are the bad people. And not knowing what to do makes us seem uncompassionate and unfeeling.

I hate when the people I love and care about hurt. I want to do something. To make things better... I have always had that problem. I want to love them more than I did before, to be there for them. I just don't know what to do. I have to many thoughts going through my head. They won't all come out, it is a bottleneck there.

I am scared of burdening people who are not associated with the situation with more information than they really want. I don't want to do that either. I want stability. I want safety. I am glad I have come this far that I can deal with this as well as I have been. Thankfully God doesn't give us things we can not deal with by relying on His strength. I am trusting Him that this won't set me back, and that it will actually grow and stretch me for His will.

Ahh... I am hungry and tired. Grrr.

I think AJ and I are going to start incorporating some God time into our time together. Even if we are just hanging out; I think it is a good way to spend some time in the word, maybe do some praying for each other, and really work on practicing coming before God as a couple. I need this. I really think this is going to be a good thing. Growth in a positive and controlled manner versus the stress that is causing growth.

The last couple of weeks... actually tomorrow makes two weeks exactly, have been a psycho roller coaster ride. Some of the things have been amazingly good, others good to just deal with, some so-so, some bad, some really bad, and others just annoying. My shoulders are so tensed and locked up from all the stress I am not sure if I can ever get the muscles to relax. The odd thing is I am kinda enjoying the pain... it is letting me know that all this isn't a dream and I will make it through it all. I haven't told anyone about the muscles locking up, well at least not until now. I have been using the electric tens unit and muscle relaxers, but they haven't seemed to help much. When they do relax a little something else comes along to make them lock back up.

I wouldn't trade anything that has happened for anything.. I figure it has all happened for a reason, and even if I never know the reason it is ok. There is a purpose to everything. I don't believe we live in a world of accidental and coincidences, bad stuff happens, but it can always be used to turn into good.

I might continue this later, but now I am going to try to go get some lunch before my stomach officially commits mutiny.

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Where Is a Table When You Need One.

General Feeling: Wanting to crawl under a table and stay there, maybe forever.

Thursday, March 1, 2007

I'll make a wish send it to heaven then make you want to cry...

Maybe it's intuition
but somethings you just don't question
Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant
And there it goes,
I think I found my best friend
I know that might sound
more than a little crazy,
but I believe...1

Wow. Flashback to using Savage Garden lyrics to trying to explain what I am thinking/feeling.

I found out that I am distracting and not in a good way.

http://usacomp.zapto.org/blog/index.php/2007/02/28/sleep/#comments

I am confused. I really care about AJ, enough so that I don't want to be a hindrance to him. I want to be there to support and strengthen him, but so far I don't think I am doing a good job at that at all. More like I am a stumbling block. So therefore in my head I have been having this conversation about the best method of dealing with this whole issue. Realizing that I can not (nor do I want to) make him do anything he does not want to do. Motivation would be good, but I am not sure how to accomplish that either.

The little voice in the back of my head (the same one that decides to keep me up many nights, just for reference) is raising the question about whether or not it would be potentially better to back off a lot or something more than that. Both options would break my heart, but I am no stranger to that. I don't want either option. But I do want the best for AJ. That is all I have ever wanted in relation to him (and any of the other people in my life). I want him to be happy with his choices and if I don't do that, then I want him to make the choice that is going to make him the happiest.

Insert random lyrics:

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
and each road leads you where you want to go,
and if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
if it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but you never forget,
all the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
and you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
and always give more than you take.2

There is some selfishness involved in my thought process though. I enjoy being around him and I don't want that to stop. That would hurt a lot. I like him. This means I want to spend time with him, which then leads to neither of us accomplishing anything that we should be doing. Though sometimes cuddling on the couch is time well spent and an investment in each other, it isn't always the most productive use of the time we have been given.

The safety net of not being able to hang out or spend much time in my when he is around is a good protective measure, but it also means that I can't get things done that need to be done. Little things that don't take much time, but require presence - think dishes and laundry. This means that if these items are to be done I have to either stay up later to do them at night or rush around in the afternoons before other stuff starts happening to get them done. There are plenty of little piddly errands that I need to get done after work, but I find myself using that time for other things that also need to be done. Or the real worst is that I don't do them and then I kick myself when the dishes are all piled up or I have no clean socks. I have horrible time management skills for things like that. I always have, ask Stine. Though I would much rather have to many things to do than not enough, because I would still waste that time and not be any more productive. I would play on the computer or watch movies/ tv.

I have not been cooking at home like I should be. This means that I have either been eating out (or just away from home like at HG) or eating really crappy food that comes out of boxes. I don't like the taste of box food but I keep doing it. I guess the only good thing is that I don't buy much real junk food, so at least I am not eating that horribly yet. The issue has been bothering me for the last couple of days especially. I miss my cute little lunch boxes, but I haven't had the time in the morning to pack anything in them because I either haven't cooked food or have no time to make the food in the morning. I have no time because I haven't been sleeping like I should.

Sleep and Molly do not agree lately. Between being bouncy, being sick, and being scared I don't think I am supposed to sleep through the night for more than three days a week. All the crap that has been going on has just got me worn out. I wish I could blame the lack of time management on the break in, but I wasn't doing well with it before then either. Now I am just jumpy to be in my house at night, especially when there are weird noises.

I miss cooking. I miss the way home made food taste and smells.

I need to find time to read my Bible too. I am severely lacking in that too. I miss it. I used to read before I went to sleep (before dating and in the start of it), now I get home and pass out. Which I will admit is better than laying there all night, but yeah... I am to easily distracted when it comes to that. I am still keeping track of the verse of the day and God is still using that to encourage me, but I just can't help thinking that if He can do so much with that one little verse how much more could He do with many many verses and much more of my time?

I had the worst luck in posting this blog. It had lots of formating errors, so I had to retype it all. If anyone has any major problems with it, otherwise I don't care what it looks like as long as it is readable.

oh footnotes:

Title - Savage Garden -Truly Madly Deeply
1- Savage Garden - I Knew I Loved You
2 - Rascal Flatts - My Wish